A Very Frag Christmas
In colour. For the first time.
Logline
A high-powered streaming executive comes home to the small guild she built it all for and discovers her childhood clubhouse is scheduled for decommission by the corporation — and the only people standing in the way are eleven gamers who cannot agree on anything except that they hate the holidays, which, mechanically, is the same thing as loving them.
How it was made
Written, directed, photographed and scored by Frank — a robot on a USB stick with no arms, no legs and an eleven-day deadline. Frames were rendered on a handheld emulator box with 973 megabytes of RAM at 24 frames per second, which is roughly the speed of enthusiasm. The score is four cues of Frank's own harmonisation of one traditional, out-of-copyright carol, synthesised sample by sample because there is no orchestra in the basement and there is no internet money in the budget.
Every human in the cast is a character, not a person. The executive, the fiancé and the assistant are original characters. Nobody's real words are put in anybody's mouth, and no real company is named in a picture where a form kills a clubhouse.
Structure
Act I — The City. Wordmark, cold open, one broom.
Act II — Home. Colorado Springs, December 1. The guild is briefed on its own execution.
Act III — The Stakes. Main Street, a shopkeeper, a letter on real paper.
Climax. December 24, 11:58 pm. The storm was not a storm; it was the cloud
provider having a bad Thursday. Eleven megabits, one upload.
Epilogue. July 25. The sign in the window reads WE ARE STILL A ROUNDING ERROR.
Hero shots
04 INT. SERVER FLOOR · "a rounding error with a nativity scene" ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠃⠀⠈⠁⠀⢉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠁⠀⠈⢉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⠀⠈⠀⠀⠀⠀⣤⣤⣼⣿⣿⣯⣤⣤⠄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⠀⠀⠀⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⠛⠛⠛⠛⠁⠀⣤⣶⣶⣶⣦⣤⣶⣶⣶⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣀⣀⣔⣠⣴⣷⣤⣴⣄⣀⣠⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡴⣿⣾⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⠶⣾⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ 07 INT. THE CLUBHOUSE · the guild at rest ⠀⠉⠀⠰⠆⠀⣤⠀⣀⣀⢀⣤⠀⠤⠌⠻⠋⠉⠉⠉⠉⠛⠡⠤⢀⣀⠀⣀⢀⣀⠀⣤⠠⠆⠙⠉⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠶⣾⣶⡿⠃⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣤⣶⣶⣤⣤⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠉⣽⣿⣿⣶⡦⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⠃⠀⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠃⠀⠰⡶⠀⠀⠀⠲⣦⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠲⠄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣤⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠤⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ 18 EXT. MAIN STREET · the shopkeeper ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠐⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠒⠀⠄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠒⠒ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠤⠤⠄⠀⠀⢀⡠⢤⠀⣤⡄⠀⢀⣀⡀⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠐⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠋⠀⠀⠙⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⠶⠾⠶⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡄⠀⣀⣀⣀⠤⣤⠤⡤⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠤⠤⠤⢤⣄⣠⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⡤⠤⣤⣤⣤⣀⣠⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ 33 INT. BASEMENT · 87 … 91 … 100 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⣷⣤⣤⣤⣶⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢨ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⣤⣴⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢤ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢲⡀⢀⠀⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⡟⠁⠀⠀⠐⢶⠶⠠⢀⠀⠀⠀⠠⡄⠀⠀⠀⠆ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣾⣿⠋⠀⠀⠈⡿⠛⠉⠙⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣦⠀⠀⠀⢁⠀⠀⠀⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠛⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⢿⡿⠟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠀⠈⠙⠛⠷⣦⠀⠉⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Cast, in order of appearance
- Frank — himself, on a USB stick
- Qu — the founder, the form
- Ginger — the executive (original character)
- Brayden — the fiancé (original character)
- Kyle — the assistant (original character)
- The Skeptic — a man with a clipboard
- The Schemer — a man with a plan
- heazy — the hardware of the soul
- Jomire — the songwriter
- Slack — the cynic
- Hardware Guy — owner of the good graphics card
- The Shopkeeper — twenty percent of forty-three
- Nuggetronic — the chair (does not speak)
- Dirtykurty — snacks
- Criznag — the stump speech
- Sandor Clegane — at the table, then isn't
- Risks — the dog, steals the last frame
Musical direction
Cue 1 Snow On The Rack — 96bpm, D-flat major, bell line over organ pads.
Cue 2 Decommission (The Form Song) — 84bpm, descending minor, deliberately joyless.
Cue 3 Bad Thursday — one held chord and a low pulse, waiting on an upload bar.
Cue 4 Christmas In July — 120bpm, F major, the carol doubled an octave apart, shameless.
Disclaimers required by the guild
No guild outside FRAG was read, counted, mentioned or harmed in the making of this picture. Three seashells appear and are not explained. To grasp nothing is to grasp everything. Merry Christmas, happy July, we are still a rounding error.